beautiful & found

to cut out the figure
the grounding of this
let melancholic drown

to greener reminders
of better pastures
you're beautiful and found

(from the song let you break by william fitzsimmons)

this last little while i have been filled with mixed emotions and a ton of guilt that only comes by being a mother.  but when i woke up this morning a new sense of peace came over me. i felt lighter and happier.

for one the sun is back.  we went over a week without seeing each other.  this was not good for me.  i had many emotional and dark days last week.  my mommy heart was strained and sad.  but today the sunlight is streaming in and filling up all that darkness and warming my heart.  i have been getting more sleep the last few nights.  i swear when you don't get enough sleep, everything just feels bad and seems hopeless.

this peace also has come from new choices i have made.  today i am re-implementing my old daily routine which involves little to no work during my children's awake times.  i get my daily household chores done in the morning and have well organized to do lists.  placing time limits on activities and knowing what comes next is a good thing for me. all of this lets puts my family first and allows me more time for my work.

today marks the start of a new type of journey.  for a better me.  a healthier me.  i have started the seventeen day diet.  it isn't going to be a drastic change for me.  a lot of what is involved i was doing/eating, just not in the same ways.  i do however have to cut of my faithful latte from starbucks and switch it to a zen green tea instead.  this maybe my hardest hurdle.  but today so far so good.

and of course that peace can be found in my photography.  my artist heart has never felt happier.  i  trust in myself and in my instincts more.  i find that my inspiration comes from my children and within our lives more then anything else.  i love what i am producing with my art. this artistic freedom i feel makes my heart sing.

all these small steps are going to get me to a wonderful place. a place where i can be the best me for my girls, my husband and all my family and friends - and for me.  there are more downs to come and hard choices to be made but even small steps can start a journey.

i feel beautiful and found.